Thoughts and Whatnots: Change

Cup Of Jo

7/23/20

Y’all please tell me if you can relate…

I always have these extensively thorough monologues on my solo car rides wherever I’m going. Like a podcaster just speaking it out loud, whipping up this speech out of nowhere from the top of my head, and the message is so well articulated. But for whatever reason I come on to write my blog and can’t regurgitate any of it.

Like cheese and rice LOL Ain’t that the worst? I need to start recording myself or something I don’t know.

Well lately, I’ve been thinking about my journey, like from where I was in life to where I am now and the process of how I got here. AKA reflecting. And I’m sitting here cheesing and happy with how everything has transpired and brought me to here, this era in my life. I did this, I created what I have today and I’m ever so grateful for all of it, what I’ve learned, what I’ve gained, I’ve accomplished, the good and the bad.

Make The Change

Boston is where it all began for me. Small town girl escaped to the city to find change. Little did I know at the time, change was not to be found but to be acquired, learnt, and instilled within you. I knew I needed and wanted more out of life than what my hometown could offer me and what my teaching job was going to provide for me. I was in a place where I wasn’t fulfilled but at the same time I wasn’t unhappy either. And truly I think that’s where people get stuck or complacent, because they’re not necessarily unhappy.

But for me, it was that complacency that fueled and ultimately triggered me, it was where the idea that I needed change in order to achieve what I was looking for. I wanted something, I was in search for something, and I didn’t necessarily know what it was but I was going to bring it to fruition.

My Boston era was my growing stage to figure out me; with just me myself and I, a soul-searching mission. I wanted to learn more about myself, see how far I could push myself, and really discover who I wanted to be. Turns out Jenny in the city was bold, courageous, adventurous, professional, and adept. I really started to come out of my shell and become me.  Lessons were learned and an abundance of memories were made. Boston had been my childhood, it was my teen years, it was where Britt and I would run off to for a day trip, this city means everything to me. It helped cultivate who I am. Boston was what I needed to make the change within me.

What Came From Moving To Boston

When I made the move I didn’t just relocate my body into this glorious city, no, so much more came out of it. I made new friends/connections/networks, I learned to live with roommates, I learned to take care of myself, I nailed a great job, and I found love. But most importantly, I learned that I wasn’t scared of change. I learned that if there is anything negative or hindering me in my world, that I am empowered to fix it. If you can accept change and take the necessary steps to change, you’ll unravel so many more avenues of where you can go in life.

Those “What If” moments are the bane of our existence. Why are we questioning it when we can just do it. Of course, that notion varies depending to the situation but in general, live fearlessly so that you have less “What If’s” to live with. My belief  and outlook that everything happens for a reason grew significantly after moving. One thing, little or big, can lead you to the next thing until you end up where you need to be. It was a new eye opening perception and I still whole heartedly believe in today. 

Post Boston 

At one point I came to a road block crossroad. That initial move kept me on a high for a solid 4.5 years and then, I felt like I had plateaued. And I’m not sure if it was my career or my living situation because God knows I didn’t love my apartment (but it was affordable and convenient) and maybe those variables provoked me but whatever it was I felt restless and bored. I felt like something was missing and I was craving for more, I just didn’t know what it was. But I did recollect that familiar feeling because it was adjacent to how I felt before I took that leap of faith to move.

Colorado Happened

It was Oct 2018, Andrew had a work trip in Denver that I tagged along on. It’s funny because I was always the one traveling for work and for once it wasn’t my trip per-say but thank God all mighty one of us was called out to CO. That’s where something ignited in my bones- in Breckenridge specifically but all of it, the entire trip just consumed me. There was something so very special about this state, and to this day, I truly believe it was being encapsulated within those mountains. There’s plenty of times where I travel somewhere, fall in love, and of course it’s tough to come back to reality. But with Colorado, it was different. I really REALLY did NOT want to leave, something about this place was calling my name. When we got back to Boston, I could not think about anything else. I was replaying the entire trip in my head over and over on repeat, I was curious, I wanted to know more, I wanted to see more, I wanted to have those mountains around me all the time.

AND THEN

I thought to myself, if I had to live in any other state aside from Massachusetts, it would hands down without a doubt be Colorado. I was so bewildered by that thought. For one, I never thought about moving to another state, it never crossed my mind (I mean maybe CA at one point, because who hasn’t thought about that) but for it to be Colorado was so unusual to me. But when I thought about my transition and journey; from moving to Boston, meeting Andrew, being by his side as he transitioned into a new job, that then brought us to Colorado, and for me to be SO captivated- did that mean something? Was that a sign?

And then my aunt became ill. Very ill that resulted in becoming terminally ill. Simultaneously my dad had been ill but around the same time became terminally ill. Come September 2018, my aunt passed and three months later December 2018 my dad passed. And the major and most critical life changing lesson I learned from both was that life is too short to live with regrets. For what is seemingly an overrated quote, like, we all know it and say it but do we actually live by it? I don’t think I was up until that point because truthfully, it didn’t resonate with me until I saw two of my cherished family members leave and at such a young age. Something within me was working through these connections trying to figure out what this all meant to me. Between me feeling unfulfilled again, the passing of family members, and the excitement I felt when I was in Colorado; I started to think maybe there’s something there.

Off To Colorado

Through everything in 2018, it was a tough year point blank. Come January 2019, I knew change was in the horizon. I could feel it. The more I thought about it the more I could totally see myself living in Colorado and I’d daydream of the idea. The more research I did the more appealing it became. And the more I was digging the more I felt like moving was the answer.

Of course, I had been talking to Andrew about it, and he too was fully onboard which only amplified my urge to make moves happen. The goal I set for myself was that, I was going to move to Colorado whether I had a job there or not by May 2019. That was my deadline. From there, I convinced my high school best friend, Renee, to take a quick weekend trip with me to CO in March to help me look for towns/cities that I could see myself living in. I remember texting her one morning at work and within an hour we had something booked. (PS- Y’all thats a good ass friend, one that’s down for a spontaneous trip and gets it done). Turned out that, in March, I ended up leaving that trip with an apartment. Andrew got an internal promotion that pushed us to move by end of March and I luckily was able to take my job and do it remotely. April 1, 2019 we were officially Colorado residents.

Everything ended up working out SO incredibly smoothly. Everything! It was like a too good to be true scenario without any repercussions. And now, 1 year and 3 months deep, I am so grateful for ALL OF IT. Change is bliss when you know you’re doing something to better yourself.

There are so many things here in Colorado that have attributed to my happiness since then. But none of this would’ve happened (at least I don’t think) without me taking that first step by moving out to Boston- to change. And who knows, maybe another 4 years go by and I’m needing something else, something new. I won’t know until that time comes but I do know that right now, I’m exactly where I want to be.

Yeesh, this was a post and a half! Congratulations if you made it to the end! Luckily, this is the end- but before we go, I’d love to hear how you’ve changed or what changes you’ve made that brought you to where you are now or that’s made a significant difference in your life! Cheers!

xo, JJ

4 thoughts on “Thoughts and Whatnots: Change

  1. Jenny… oh my gosh. This is your best post yet. It’s so real, raw, touching and deep. Wow! I am sending you so much love now and always, but this post was just… it made me cry!!! I just am speechless really, but this is just the most perfect post, and so inspiring and touching… I literally have no words. You are one of the most amazing women that I know… and I am so so proud of you and so happy for you. You are meant to be in Colorado right now, and whatever happens in the future, whether that’s a new venture, whatever, I know you’re going to completely smash it!! Because you are a true superstar Jenny! I love you so much ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omg thank you for your sweet and encouraging words! I have a hard time writing like deep thoughtful posts (which is weird because I’m very deep and thoughtful, in person) but it felt great to just freely write my feelings outs. I need to do more of these, typically I keep these kind of posts as private but I’m finally trying to break out of that shell ❤ Thank you for your support always twinnie!!! ❤

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  2. I absolutely adore this post. I can also relate to this so much! As I have mentioned before (I think? Lol) Boston is my New York. It is incredible how much these cities have played such a pivotal role in shaping and melding us, but all giving us the strength to dream bigger.
    I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason, and you will be where you need to be, even if you don’t realize it (like myself right now). You are so inspiring, and such a positive light in this world, and this post is going to help and inspire others to follow their dreams. SO much love to you beauty! ❤

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    1. Ohhh girl I LOVEEE your journey as well. We definitely went through very similar experiences (same but diff) with our “cities that changed us” and I love that we can relate and look back and be proud of how we transformed into who we are today!!! Together, we can be a juggernaut to inspire others ❤ ❤

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